Magnified and Magnificent
I have a specific memory of kneeling on the concrete sidewalk along Nebraska Avenue, huddled with some schoolboys around a dry leaf, or maybe it was a piece of paper, holding a magnifying glass - trying to start a little fire. I don’t remember whose dime-store magnifying glass we were experimenting with, but we were all excited to see if this was an actual possibility. We didn’t succeed at creating a fire, or even a burn mark. Thinking about it now, I am certain that our tool was deficient - probably plastic, and definitely not a strong enough lens to create a focused beam of sunlight to start our fire. Back then, however, our childlike childish thoughts were more disillusionment and disappointment that it probably wasn’t true that focused light could spark fire.
My memories of childhood include many fun and ‘normal’ experiences - at home, at school, at church, with friends. I count that day with the magnifying glass as one of those memories. One of the challenges survivors face is letting the good stuff be, not erasing it or diminishing it because the happy memories reside in the same space as the very painful and difficult memories. I spent a lot of years wondering what it would have been like to have lived a ‘normal’ childhood, always feeling like major chunks of what-it-is-supposed-to-be-like were missing. I have learned, though, that almost all of us struggle with some sense of loss, some belief that we are different from others and therefore not ‘normal’ [I am purposely using the quotation marks to help emphasize the fallacy of ‘normal’.]
The holiday season tends to magnify this dichotomy. I long to enjoy the warmth and magnificence that shone through at Thanksgiving and Christmas, even if there were shadows in the corners. Through the years, I worked to recreate that sense of wonder for our children and grandchildren. And I have also wrestled- or denied- or attempted to disguise- a gnawing awareness of unresolved pain.
Have you experienced something similar? I want to encourage you today. Authentic growth - transformation - is a potential gift we can experience under the magnifying glass of the holidays.
A lyric I composed several years ago says:
All that is good in the world, we celebrate tonight
All that is dark is hidden by the Christmas lights.
This season, the darkness can be more than hidden. It can be penetrated. God’s love magnified creates a spark that can ignite a healing fire. Don’t give up if it hasn’t worked before - maybe you need a stronger lens.
Ruth Haley Barton said in her podcast for Advent: “Walk into this season of Advent really aware of the fact that there is an invitation to deeper levels of transformation.” God uses the seasons to awaken within us his desires for our best, his gifts of grace and growth, and to open our eyes to the truth of his transforming power.
Let your memories dance before him, within the light of Jesus’ coming, and find fresh perspective and strength for your transformed life.
Scripture Meditation and Affirmation:
The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine. -Isaiah 9:2 NLT
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark. -John 12:46 NLT
Prayer:
Father of lights, be magnified in my life.
Help me focus on your love and allow faith to breathe in my depths.
Jesus, Light of the world, blaze in me to refine and heal.
Burn up not my essence, but that which would resist your loving presence.
Luminous Spirit, may your light escape through my thinned exterior armor,
revealing the magnificent joy of transformation afforded by mercy and grace.