Wrestle
My daily reading schedule had me in the story of Jacob recently. It takes place in the book of Genesis, chapter 32. Jacob-becoming-Israel because he wrestled with God. The narrative doesn’t exactly explain why Jacob’s night of prayer became hand-to-hand combat. But it seems to be a special mercy that God bestowed upon him. The result was a changed man with a new name who forever after walked with a limp. His very character transformed into a humbler and wiser presence that day.
I tend to wrestle with ideas or situations - like pondering hope for addiction, aching to see transformed lives, our culture’s battles with racism, injustice, patriarchy, oppression of women and children, longing for community integration and impact, and observing ways that the Christian church intersects and interacts with these issues. I tend to wrestle with myself - like training my mind to think new thoughts, overcome self-doubt and break unhealthy patterns. I believe in - and practice - holding these concerns prayerfully before God even as I wrestle with them.
And then there comes a time when the inner-wrestlings have to work themselves into outward action. And maybe it’s in the pre-game of those making-it-real moments that we hit the bell and begin the wrestling match with God. It’s a prayer of deeper urgency and immediacy. The battle is engaged and there is no turning back. There is a grit and exertion and tangibility to this kind of prayer. In Jacob’s story I see a confidence that is startling - a determination to hold on like a pit bull until he gets the blessing he needs to face the challenges ahead.
The difficult circumstances ahead of you may seem daunting - I know I have a few that make me quiver inside. The faith I am experiencing in this season is one that hears God’s invitation to boldness. A bold willingness to engage with him, wrestle with him, expose my questions and doubts and fears and passions, and trust his love and his good will toward me to help wrestle them into a holy limp forward. Bold action may follow, but that’s not the main point. I am yearning for that confidence that comes with knowing I have wrestled with God and am moving from that place with His blessing.
Scripture Meditation and Affirmation:
Genesis 32:26-28
Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”
But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
“What is your name?” the man asked.
He replied, “Jacob.”
“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”
Prayer:
Thank you for the moments, God, when I can untangle from my inner wrestling in order to respond to your invitation, to throw it all in the ring with you, and move into the brave and scary places with renewed assurance. I want to be transformed. I want to live with your blessing. And I sure am grateful that you’re a patient and loving God who is gracious enough to take me to the mat.
